Ahoy there Shipmates!

This season the Sunday Stiffs are being re-branded as Porky’s Pirates to reflect an exciting, shiny new future. Led by yours truly, it represents a new error era in Sunday cricket.

Based firmly on my infallible ‘Fun – Skills – Winning’ motto that did so well in a decade of youth cricket, the aim will be to definitely have fun, definitely develop skills and maybe even win. If we do the first two the third one tends to happen anyway. And even if we don't Porky’s Pirates will enjoy the game a lot more that our saddo opponents who spend the rest of the evening discussing their best ever single.  

A cunning combo of qualified coaches (bar the paperwork), old codgers, occasional genius and fallow youth, Porky’s Pirates will try to pick dads & lads wherever possible.   We’ll do battle with the usual suspects from a range of local clubs (see fixtures) including Clacton again.  Sorry.

Just a few guidelines should ye be fortunate enough to join the crew …

• Subscriptions.  Must be paid by end May.  No subs, no play.  No excuses either with the new range of online options. 
• Kit.  Club shirt & cap non-negotiable.  No club kit; no play.  Porky’s Pirates eye patch optional but might help batting for some, eh Kev?  New ‘athletic fit’ club shirts now available on-line .  A few of the old ‘comfort fit’ versions available if sir has a fuller figure.
• Timing.  Turn up on time, especially at home where there is lots to do before the game.  Punctuality is the politeness of princes i.e. being late is plain rude.  Late fines will be levied for tour fund (tour venue tba).
• Availability.   Please make yourself available for Porky’s Pirates as much as possible.  I don’t want to have to pressgang people every week.
• Mid-week training.  Youth recommended.  Seniors optional.  Veterans prohibited.
• Bring-a-long.  There will be a weekly bring-a-long.  Fines for non-compliance to  tour fund. 
• Teas.  We have just nine home games. Porky’s Pirates award  for ‘Best Tea of the Season’.
• Fun post-match awards including ‘Walking the Plank’ for biggest mistake of the day (e.g. Tony Lee’s trousers)
• Duties.  I don’t want to scrape round finding scorers,  umpires, match reporters, etc.  Please volunteer or do it if asked. 
• Catch phrases.  We urgently need some team catch phrases.  Suggestions to the usual boyrich address.  Plunderful!  Geddit?

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, spa water, rum!  

Cap’n Porky Parker